census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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