he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
