How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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