WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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