The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize