I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
