Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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