I puked a lego.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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