I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
