You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
