I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
