Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
