I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
