OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
