she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
