took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this boner is exhausting
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
