I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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