True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
