there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
