After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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