the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
