I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Terrible idea I love it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
