My room smells like vodka and shame
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
