dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
