fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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