a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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