he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
