I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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