The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
