Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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