There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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