I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You need a sexual gate keeper
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
