I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
