It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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