So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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