it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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