my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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