He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
