Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
