A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
