Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he thought i was a dude.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
