is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
