I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
