Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dear god my vagina.
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