You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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