Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
