i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Small penises have feelings too.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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