At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
