i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
