Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We talked him into tasing himself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
