i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
