i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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