Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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