I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
