When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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