I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
