is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
