did you get engaged???
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
