Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
