Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
