eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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