I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
