people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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